sorrowandsorrow | Open Post: Welters

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Open Post: Welters

It's probably been noted before, but Janet's not actually dumb. The people of this mansion are varied and mercurial. They're not like Fillorians, some of whom are little bitches but who were largely cow-eyed and willing to accept her authority just because she was a pretty girl from another world.

So. She has to win people over. Maybe everyone needs a little fun to take their minds off things. Conveniently, welters is absolutely Janet's idea of fun. There's a bunch of insane rules, violence is encouraged, and you win if you're good at magic and being bossy.

The mansion grounds are also a little tempestuous as to their character, but apparently the master magician toying with all their lives is feeling charitable today. She's found a big, flat stretch of undisturbed grass, and she's sketching out welters squares with a piece of chalk.

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Ah. He came too close to something he does not want to reveal. "Let's talk about Claudius. What are your impressions?"

"Asshole," Janet answers easily. She actually could reveal a lot more about Claudius, given what she knows, but that's still in her back pocket for later. "I don't trust him. And I definitely don't think he should be in charge around here."

Luo Binghe is delighted. "I could not agree more. He is not to be trusted—an underhanded man who wears civility and a flattering tongue as a cloak to hide his true nature. He would no doubt turn such a role to his own advantage."¹

¹Whereas Luo Binghe wants to rule for entirely altruistic reasons. Obviously.

"Yeah. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him." Janet's nursing her drink a little more, but getting closer to the bottom, which means it's tasting better and better as she goes. At least her alcohol tolerance is pretty solid. "I don't know -- he gave me a whole intimidation show about my qualifications, but I haven't exactly seen him around doing a lot of mansion-conquering recently, either."

Luo Binghe hasn't either, but he tries not to know what Claudius is doing at all. He sips the second drink Janet procured for him, letting himself tip further into dizzy warmth. "It figures. Doing all of that for power, and then changing his mind and deciding he doesn't even want it anymore. That is so like him."

Oh, this is delightful. Janet can't help a grin, a slightly toothy one, as Luo Binghe obviously gets a) drunker and b) more irritable about that motherfucker Claudius. "Yeah? What happened with you two?"

Luo Binghe has no shame about having dallied with Claudius, but he does not like that this story makes him sound credulous and naive. If he were thinking more clearly, he might not tell it. But he and Janet have a shared enemy, and the prospect of her siding with him—when Lan Wangji and Claudius acted like he was so unreasonable—is irresistible. "He hid his ambitions and status from me, and seduced me. It didn't go far—I objected to his aggressive demeanor. When I found out that he intended to gain power over the rest of us, we had a dispute."

"Wow." Honestly, she's not totally sure how much of this she believes -- but does it matter? Claudius poisoned his brother to death. That's pretty bad. Janet finishes her drink, still toying with the garnish. "What kind of dispute? I've noticed you're pretty..." Ugh, she hates to even say it, but: "Pretty unstoppable in a fight."

Luo Binghe does not like revealing the properties of his blood, and he doesn't know Janet well enough yet to trust her. "Yes.¹ I thought if I demonstrated my power, surely he would back down. Instead he mocked me, and confirmed my suspicions—that he'd pretended to be enamored with me only to gain benefit for himself."

It's not as though he cares about Claudius' opinion, but he hates being deceived, especially when he'd been—unguarded—with Claudius due to his attentions. Now, perhaps, it wouldn't anger him so much, because he is permitting himself to explore a new lifestyle. But Claudius flattered and flirted his way into a personal secret of Luo Binghe's, only to throw it back in Luo Binghe's face at the first opportunity, when Luo Binghe hadn't even hurt him yet. "It's—you see—I could have forgiven the deception. But what he said... So I continued to torment him with my powers a little longer until I showed mercy. By that point, naturally, our relationship was unsalvageable. And he still hasn't apologized." Not even after... But Luo Binghe has resolved never to think about it again.

¹Unfortunately for Janet, he is pleased by the ego boost.

"Jesus, what a dick." That part's not a lie or an act from her. Janet still gets the creeps when she thinks about Claudius being so solicitous to her, unaware that she knew exactly what he'd done.

"Well..." She clinks her empty glass against Luo Binghe's. "I have pretty shitty taste in men. Sounds like we have something in common, Emperor."

He clinks his glass with hers and takes another large sip, then laughs darkly. "I don't think I know what my taste is. I suppose it is bad, or at least my judgment—" Why is he saying all this? "Tell me of your shitty men, beautiful warrior queen."

One drink is the perfect number of drinks for that to make Janet really laugh, gripping the edge of the bar for support just for a second. Oh my God, she actually loves talking to fantasy weirdos, she's decided. They make her feel so normal in comparison.

"Where to start? I dated this guy at the end of high school -- he was such a tool. I think he was selling drugs to freshmen, because when he took me out, he was always paying in cash and acting really weird about it. Like oh, you're welcome, my lady, just don't ask me my sources, wink wink. No idea why, because I went to this crunchy-ass private school anyway. Nobody there didn't have money." She scowls down at her empty glass. She doesn't want to get drunker than Luo Binghe, but she doesn't want to keep talking about men without another drink.

"Then, once I got to Brakebills... oh my God, you can't even imagine what a different breed of asshole the men turn into once they find out they can do magic. There was this fucker, Reggie -- and I should have known, because that's an asshole name -- who thought it would be so sexy to use me to practice this janky tattooing magic he learned from a hedge witch on winter break. I kicked him to the curb. Eliot laughed his ass off at me."

Luo Binghe is getting too drunk to really listen to this, which is good since he wouldn't have understood it anyway. He lets the sound of her voice blur and tilts his glass back and forth, watching the light sparkle off the liquor, until it seems like she's about done. "Imagine if we had wed. I would only have disappointed you—I would have been the next story on your list. Oh, Queen Janet, I hope we never leave here." He sighs heavily. "What would I tell my wives? My Empress? What would I even begin to do?"

Janet hides a smile behind her hand. She procures herself a second drink, mostly (she'd argue) for the purposes of buying time so she doesn't accidentally say something that gets her ass kicked again.

"Does it matter? If you're the emperor, can't you just tell them whatever you want and they have to be fine with it?"

"But the logistics," Luo Binghe says, fully morose. "They all live in my palace. Am I to turn them out on the streets? Or simply—house women I no longer desire as a kind of charity? And the power dynamics—you could not imagine. The harem is its own political entity, as complex as any other branch of the court. The women who have risen to the top of that structure would not be pleased to have their power stripped, just because the emperor has decided men are more appealing." That may be the first time he has said that out loud so baldly. Oh well.

The harem, Janet mouths to herself, like, oh my fucking God. She'd kill Claudius right now if it would bring Eliot here to make expressive faces at her behind Luo Binghe's back during this conversation.

"Well," Janet says a little bit lamely, "you're going to have to figure something out. I mean, you're not actually having sex with all of these women all the time anyway, are you? What's the actual difference if you divorce them but leave the whole... uh, harem... intact?"

Obviously that's not possible. Luo Binghe can't think of why not right now though, so he just scowls and drains his second glass. The drink has lost some of its complexity now, to his impaired tastebuds, and all he tastes is bitterness.

Janet bites back another laugh. He looks like a giant mastiff whose owner has told it to go sit in the corner: big, dangerous, and sulky.

"Why don't we switch? Come on, this is what you're supposed to have for girl talk." She shuts the liquor cabinet, concentrates for a second, and then manages to pluck a chilled bottle of rosé on her next attempt.

Luo Binghe has never seen this beverage either.¹ Queen Janet is giving him the full tour of her world's spirits. She hands him a glass; it turns out to be as pink as a peach blossom², with a mildly sour, yeasty flavor. The wine doesn't sting his throat like Janet's old-fashioned drink. Instead, it warms him from the center of his chest, making everything soft and woozy around the edges.

"What about at the mansion?" he says, thinking of Shen Qingqiu. "Has anyone drawn your interest here?"

¹They had grape wine in ancient China, but Luo Binghe is from Stupid Fantasy Ancient China, where they only have the most cliché Ancient China-seeming stuff.
²See? Now that's a xianxia-appropriate reference.

"Sir Sagramore is pretty handsome," Janet says with a grin as she sips her own glass of wine, "among other things." That's the closest she'll get to overtly kissing and telling to Luo Binghe of all people. "That Nightingale guy is kind of hot, too. What, is that why you just realized you're gay? Did you see some man here and get slapped with a realization?"

"No." If that were true, it would be Claudius, and Luo Binghe is not even going to entertain the question. "It was someone I met before. But I had been trying not to think about it, because of... the logistics." Shen Qingqiu, or whatever the name is of the spirit who now inhabits him. Scolding Luo Binghe for getting injured, before dressing his wounds with a worried little frown, as though every hurt to Luo Binghe hurt him too. Then shoving Luo Binghe away when he noticed—what? Luo Binghe still cannot guess what small detail gave it away. How could that Shen Qingqiu tell there was something wrong with him?

"But there was this book, in the library—did you see it? I hate that book. All blank, but it would tell you one secret pertaining to—something that might upset you, I think. I only saw what it said to me, which was—you understand." He tries to think through the wine haze. "Who is Nightingale?"

"Nightingale? Older guy, British. The accent's a little sexy. He can do magic too." Janet laughs, tipping her glass to watch the light filter through the pink of the wine. "Sorry, a book told you you're gay? But you already liked some boy from before you came here?"

Like is too prosaic a word for it. What he felt—feels—deserves some of the poetic splendor that has been dedicated to his victories in battle. "I was given a glimpse into another world. Not like this place. It was another version of my own reality, where the other me was—in an intimate association with a man. They were..." Incandescent, and horrifying. "Very affectionate. That's what made me think... And after I returned to my own world, I tried everything to return to him—to steal him from the other version of myself." Distantly, he might be aware this aspect of the story doesn't reflect well on him, but it doesn't seem important. "But I couldn't. My wives and my closest advisors grew tired of my obsession. I grew tired of it myself. In time, I grew to think I would not see him again, and I tried to put it out of my mind. But he is here, in this mansion. Do you see why I would think this a test? He did not exist at all in my world—there was no counterpart to him. But he exists here."

He traces the rim of the glass with the tip of his finger, moody. "Being here, with him—it will ruin me. It makes a mockery of me, of my life, my accomplishments. All the time I spent building my empire—thrown away on one man? It reduces everything I have, all my glittering treasures, to fool's gold, and I the fool. I wanted to resist it, but I lack the strength. Janet, he is unmaking me."

"Whoa," Janet says. This feels pretty woefully inadequate, but for at least a couple beats there, it's really all she's got. Janet's pretty sure she's never felt this way about anyone, of any gender, in any circumstances. Like, she and Eliot are a unit -- but not a he is unmaking me kind of unit.

She clears her throat and busies herself sipping rosé to buy time. Then she says, "Look, I'm not a romantic. Seriously not a romantic. I can't give you good advice on this. But do you actually like your empire? Does it, I don't know, make you feel all gooey inside? Or does... this guy?"

He knows the answer, but he can't think of the words to articulate it. Or maybe he just doesn't want to, because he suspects if he says it out loud—and the alcohol is making it feel so easy to say out loud—it would sound pathetic. Because of course it doesn't make him happy. There's never been anything that makes him happy. But his empire satisfies the things the younger Luo Binghe wanted. Until he was twenty-two, he had never in his life slept in a real bed. His palaces, lands and wives are there to compensate for that, not to make him happy.

If he were talking to Nina, he would find a way to express this. But he's starting to suspect that he might regret being so free with his thoughts later, when he stops suppressing his powers. "You are a monarch yourself. Could you give up your kingdom for one person?" He laughs bleakly. "I'm sure you've guessed who it is. His charm and beauty outshine anyone else here."

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